Not a Cook

A couple of weeks ago, some friends and I were planning a girls trip together. One of the last things to sort out was the food. A text message was sent to us by the main planner that contained the sentence, “Joyce is not a cook.” She wasn’t being mean-spirited, she was merely stating a fact. Still, seeing it in black and white, it kind of stung a little.

fabulous cookLuckily, she didn’t say I’m a bad cook! But, then, I do have a kitchen in my house for the resale value. I can follow a recipe easily enough and can change ingredients a little to suit our tastes (okay, my taste, but that’s beside the point). Occasionally, some of what I cook turns out oh, so fabulous—the first time around. Second time, not even close! I envy cooks who can turn what’s in my refrigerator into a gourmet meal. In fact, I’d like to envy one right now. Can one come to my house tonight?

According to Chowhound, there are ten signs of a bad cook. I meet six of the criteria—60%. That shouldn’t make me a total lost case, should it? (You can find the complete article here: http://goo.gl/OqCGr1.)

  1. The person has long acrylic manicured nails.
           (My nails are my own, homegrown nails—splits, ridges and all!)
  2. They’ve got a pantry filled with iffy ingredients, like cream of mushroom soup and sauce mixes, jars of garlic paste, pre-grated Parmesan cheese.
            (~Sigh~ Guilty as charged.)
  3. Their kitchen’s too clean.
           (Not my kitchen! I think I saw a ‘too clean’ kitchen once in a model home. It was unreal.)
  4. They cling to a belief that any one ingredient, such as bacon, truffle oil, or Sriracha, makes any dish better.
            (Really? Bacon always makes anything taste better!)
  5. They don’t salt their food.
            (I salt almost everything. Except ice cream.)
  6. The names Sandra Lee or Rachael Ray come up.
            (Hello, my name is Joyce and I watch Rachael Ray.)
  7. They’ve got dull knives and poor knife skills.
            (Watching cooking shows has taught me to own very good knives, own my own sharpener, and my knife skills are superb. Comes in quite handy for cutting cake, ice cream, and grilled cheese sandwiches.)
  8. Their kitchen has a dearth of local ingredients.
            (If I’m not going to cook it, then why should I buy it?)
  9. They show a lack of discernment between different styles of the same ingredient.
            (This one puts me kind of in the middle. I’m familiar with the different styles of lots of ingredients. Cottage cheese, for example, comes in large curd and small curd. And, cans of tuna are packed in either oil or water. See? I’m not a total cooking moron.)
  10. They make well-done steaks.
            (Yes, I like my steaks well done. What’s wrong with that?)

Anyone up for tuna casserole? With bacon, of course.

~J

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3 thoughts on “Not a Cook

  1. I think this is a bogus list! haha What’s wrong with pre-grated Parmesan cheese? And bacon?? Love bacon! oink oink Knife skills? Have you ever turned to talk to someone with a knife in your hand, using it like a pointer and not draw blood? Bogus I say!! LOL

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  2. I would never say anyone is a bad cook, unless I’ve eaten their food and it was bad. (Never mistake the oregano for parsley when making parslied potatoes!) Our differences are what make us interesting…and friends.

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